The children are not getting divorced – You are

This, I believe is the hardest part. However your feelings for your spouse may have changed, please remember your children still love him/her the same way that they did while you were married.

Your children were born into this marriage, they now have to watch the two people they love the most argue, fight, fall apart. They still need their parents, they still need each parent as much, indeed more than ever.

It is so important to maintain a respectful attitude to your spouse, your child’s other parent. You wouldn’t speak disrespectfully to your best pal about his or her parent. You wouldn’t do it because you know it would hurt your friend’s feelings. Offer the same respect to your children, endeavour not to speak ill of their parent.

Easier said than done, and not always possible I realise. But be really honest with your self, is it possible in your case? Do the children really need to know how badly behaved their Father/Mother is?

We all get so emotionally involved sometimes that we hardly realise what we’re doing.

When my husband first left our home, my children and I were very fragile. I was in the very privileged position of being able to afford to take the three of us to family counselling. This was a very wise move.

Bringing my children into a professional therapist once a week kept me on my toes. Children are so honest and they spill everything out, and that is a good thing. The counsellor was able to put me straight on things I was doing that I didn’t even realise. She was amazing, she took a child-first approach and did not hold back with me. I won’t pretend it was easy, but it was the best thing I ever did for us.

If you are struggling please reach out and seek professional help for yourself and your children, this is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you are restricted financially below is a list of services which you can avail of at a low or no cost –

http://www.northsidecounselling.ie/

http://www.accesscounselling.ie/low-cost-counselling-in-dublin/

https://www.hse.ie/eng/services/list/4/mental-health-services/national-counselling-service/

https://www.irishexaminer.com/lifestyle/features/mental-health-where-to-find-free-or-cheap-counselling-in-ireland-319176.html